Cosmic High
by wikhfic
Summary: I just wanted Kaworu to try it. I never would've imagined how easily they'd crumble under the influence. Or how enticing it could be.


"Why would you wanna do that?"

Asuka drew in a long breath of the stuff and let it crawl out of her nose before answering me. Her brows are furrowed but her eyes are less intense than their usual judgmental gaze. Next to her Mari paws for the joint they were sharing.

"I figured it'd be fun, y'know? Kaworu-kun's never done it and they're usually good company with everyone, right? I feel kinda bad when they ask to hang out some nights and I have to say I'm doing this, without inviting them." I've already shifted my eyes to the floor of Ayanami's apartment, but I can tell Asuka's rolling hers.

"I mean, I guess."

Mari throws an arm around her shoulder and pokes her cheek. "Aww c'mon hime, what's the harm? So the kid's never smoked, big deal. I think it'll be great! We can take bets on how long before they hit the floor dazed and confused. Oh! Or bet on how many times they fuck up their first hit. Oh, wait, I got it—"

"Kone-megane."

There's a faint question-word muttered before Asuka pulls Mari by the back of the head right into her lips. They start making out, kind of intense, really, and I have to look away again. I don't want them knowing that's the real reason I'd like Kaworu to come try it. I want to get to their level. Which is ridiculous to be honest, since the relationship we have hasn't even gone past puppy-love hand holding and tame kisses in private. How am I supposed to expect Kaworu to even do _this_, let alone _that_?

"I don't mind."

A quiet voice brings me out of my musing and I turn my head to see Ayanami comfortably lounging on a cheap futon.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. It's true, Nagisa-kun is nice company. They should be able to spend time with us. I'll get more from Kaji-san next week. Don't worry about paying."

Asuka sucks her teeth and I guess that means she and Mari are done swapping spits.

"I can't believe _you_ of all people get to deal. I wanna deal. I wanna visit Kaji like that," she trails off with closed eyes and an absurd smile. Mari blows out smoke from a fresh drag directly into her face.

"Oh, please, like you even care about that guy anymore when you've got me, your special little megane gal."

Mari's egging her on now, even though she's right: Asuka stopped caring about Kaji like that once she finished high school. Sometimes she pretends it's all still there, but I don't know why. Maybe she hasn't gotten used to all the affection Mari gives her. She's lucky, though. They're both lucky.

I take two last hits from the bowl I've been absentmindedly holding and let them fill me entirely. Thick hot smoke slides down my throat and into my lungs, and I trap it there, focusing on the dim lights in the room and the music playing…somewhere. When I pass it through my nose I can't help but cough on the way. I still cough. I'll probably always cough. I'm feeling hazy but it's not where I want to be. I've been thinking about Kaworu too much.

"So," I manage after a few sips of the drink I brought with me, "it's okay, then? I can bring Kaworu-kun next weekend?"

Mari leans forward on her hands and arms excitedly, sounding off an "Absolutely," while Asuka grumbles a "Yeah whatever," and Ayanami hums in confirmation.

"But we're having it at your place, in case anything gets weird," Asuka puts emphasis on the word and makes a face, "we can leave." I have an idea of what she's talking about but I don't really want to think about it. Shit, I do, I do want to, but I can't let her know. She'd tease me for days.

"Fine by me," I smile and the tingling sensation left on my cheeks lets me know the high is finally kicking in.

The night continues calmly, an ashtray littered with charred remnants of paper and dried up bud. We scatter about on the floor and couch, a TV now playing movies and next weekend with Kaworu on my mind.

* * *

It's Friday.

It's the day.

The week went by faster than ever. I went through classes and lectures and music club recitals in a daze just thinking of tonight. I made sure to take the day off from work. When I had brought it up to Kaworu they were thrilled. More so at the invitation than the occasion, to be honest. But they seemed genuinely curious and looking forward to it. I'm nervous. Excited? Something. I started cleaning my apartment to get the evening ready. I even cleaned my bedroom as if we'd end up in there for some reason. Makes no sense. Who cares about what your bedroom looks li—anyway. I've been sitting in the living room of my place with everything picture-perfect just waiting for a knock or phone call. A text from Kaworu buzzes my phone and I can't help but laugh when I read it. It's so innocent, illuminated with emoji and net slang that sounds like they learned it only two minutes ago. In the middle of replying I hear feet shuffling on carpet outside, a rhythmic knock following shortly. I step to the door expecting Ayanami, who's usually the first one to show up, but when Kaworu appears in the doorway beaming ear-to-ear my insides do backflips. It's a surprise, a pleasant surprise, but it doesn't exactly calm my nerves. Not quite nervous just…riled up.

"Hi," they chime, flashing teeth. Light makeup paints their lips, eyes, and cheeks more lively than they already are.

Kaworu is so pretty, what the fuck. I must look like garbage.

"Happy Friday," I offer, trying very very very hard not to gawk. They walk in and plant themself down on the small couch I don't know how is going to fit everyone. To be honest we usually end up on that couch when Kaworu comes over, and it's become associated strictly with them. They've been here so often it's started to smell like them. It messes me up sometimes.

"Where are the others?" Kaworu pipes up with crossed legs, looking me square in the face.

So delicate, so…I don't even know. They're just sitting there looking as good as ever all for a smokeout. Like it's a date or something. It's actually kinda cute.

"They should be here soon. Want me to get you anything?"

Kaworu shakes their head. "No, you're fine." I raise a brow. "Ah, I mean, I'm fine!" I laugh to myself and kiss the top of their head. I know exactly what they meant when that slipped their tongue. For a moment I can't tell if the blush on their cheeks is real or applied.

"I'll let you share my drink then. You're probably gonna need it." I step into the kitchen to grab a can of whatever's left and prop it up on the coffee table in front of Kaworu.

"What do you mean?"

I smile. I smile big inside and out. "Well you've never done this before, so you're probably gonna cough. A lot. It might burn your throat if you don't know what you're doing, so." I lift the can up and nod at it to imply the rest of the answer.

They pout. "That doesn't sound very fun."

I chuckle through my nose. "I know, but believe me, it will be."

Kaworu's pout contorts into a grin and they scoot closer, eyes deadlocked onto mine. "Okay, I believe you." I didn't even know it was possible to be turned on by this.

But it's short-lived, as any further actions are cut off by the door swinging open, Asuka marching her way in with Mari and Ayanami behind her.

"We ready or..?" she blurts out, the three of them turning their heads in unison to the two of us on the couch.

"Oh, they're ready alright," Mari titters like a rattle snake and wedges herself between us, wrapping both arms around us and pulling. "So what'd we miss, hmm?" God, her grip is so strong.

I pop my head out from under her and shove her off the couch. "Nothing. Sorry to disappoint you," I say with a mocking tone, rubbing the back of my neck. Kaworu's cheeks are pink now, and I'm positive it's not from the makeup. They're probably embarrassed. Mmm.

Asuka nudges Mari with a shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, anyway, look what I got," she sing-songs and kneels down at the coffee table, dropping a bag full of goodies onto it. I've never seen so much free weed in my life. "I got Kaji to give us even more than usual. I must be a lucky charm."

Mari and I make quick eye contact and I don't think I've ever seen her look so torn up inside. What's going on?

Ayanami comes forward and casually sits her feet under the table. "She's lying. I did most of the work convincing Kaji-san." For a moment I wonder if I'll have to call an ambulance at the way Asuka turns her head with a glint of murder in her eyes.

With Kaworu's quiet embarrassment, Mari's look of pain, and Asuka ready to _cause_ pain, the rising tension forces me to intervene. I need this night to go smoothly or so help me.

"Well we're all here, so, shall we?" I drop to the floor on my knees trying to shift everyone's attention as much as possible. It seems to work since all but Kaworu are now sitting around the table preparing the stuff one by one. Asuka and Mari grind up the bud for Ayanami to roll and for me to pack. It's always been one of them doing it for me, but since Kaworu's the new "new kid," I get the responsibility. I'm a little inexperienced, but I manage to fill the bowl just enough for four big hits, two each for Kaworu and me. Should be enough to at least get the night going.

Ayanami's rolled three blunts by now—honestly, her hands work so quickly yet meticulously it's hard to believe she's human—and starts to take out a portable speaker from her satchel. I hear the couch fabric shift behind me.

"Oh, I have some good tunes with me," Kaworu mumbles, flashing a small music player in front of me over the table. I stifle laughter I know the others would howl out had they heard Kaworu. "Tunes"? It's so cringeworthy but I can't even feel bad. It just makes me love them all the more. Ayanami reaches forward to grab it and plug it in, blankly cycling through the library of songs.

"Anything in particular?" she asks them.

"Not really. Pick whatever you like."

I sit back against the edge of the seat cushions and watch as song after song gets rejected. Kaworu's sitting forward somewhat, hands placed between their layered skirt-and-leggings combo, or whatever those things are called. Either way, it really suits them. I've never seen this outfit before. I hope it's not the last time I see it.

Finally Ayanami plays a song she finds suitable and it fills the air: ambiance with a hint of lively bass, ghostly vocals accompanying an array of other sounds. It's calming, yet not enough that you can't dance to it, either. In other words, it's perfect. No one says anything, and that's how I know they're all enjoying it. Happy with the outcome, Kaworu separates their legs a bit and eases into the couch.

"I'm goin' in," Asuka declares and nabs a blunt from Ayanami, who's already enjoying her own. Mari is very close to Asuka when they share it. I wonder if that's how I should be with Kaworu right now. Ah, which reminds me—

"Alright Kaworu-kun, you're up," I say as I move myself up onto the cushions next to them with the bowl and lighter in my hand. "Ready?"

Kaworu laughs lightly and nods. "I think so."

"Okay, good. So, this is the bowl. The weed's in there, obviously, and—" I feel stupid for giving somewhat of a lecture but Kaworu doesn't seem to mind at all. "—you put your mouth on this opening here, and a finger on the carb, this little hole over here, and when you light it you breathe in, and after a bit you can take your finger off the carb and still get more. Does that make sense?" No, no, it definitely does not make sense, I am so awful at this. And judging by their face, as cute as the cat-like curled lips and furrowed brows are, none of this is getting through at all.

"I'm sorry, Shinji-kun. Why don't you show me?"

Oh, yeah, I could do that.

"Sure."

I go through the motions again, describing the process as I do, the speckled glass cupped in my palm. I'm at a bit of an odd angle trying to show the whole thing, but I manage. With it in my mouth, I place a thumb over the carb, tilting the glass so I don't burn my other hand when I light it. I've burned my lighting thumb before. A few times. I don't like to talk about it when people like Ayanami and Asuka and Mari have always walked away from it all unscathed, like they were born ready for this. But it's fine, I don't have to think about anything else right now as long as Kaworu's here.

Once the greens dull under the flame, I inhale until it stops burning, and lift my thumb off the small hole to let it all in. I move the piece from my mouth and sit there, trying to convey "and then you hold it." Light wisps of smoke escape my nose and Kaworu looks like a student taking down notes—which isn't too far off, considering Kaworu always carries a book for writing. Their face of unfazed intrigue catches me off guard and I exhale earlier than I want to, coughing, of course. They fidget a bit in place but I shake my head—still coughing—and reach for our drink. I down a good enough amount to ease the scratchiness in the back of my throat and grin.

"And that's all there is to it." I hand off the bowl to Kaworu, lighter still in my hand. I know they won't be able to flick it on their own. But they look uncertain now, for the first time in a long time. Shit.

In the background I can hear the girls singing and chatting, probably about how bad they expect this to go. Or at least Asuka and Mari are placing their bets. Ayanami never seems to give into them.

"Don't die on us, okay?" Asuka, who else.

"Yes, please don't die." Ayanami? Damn, I guess she does give into them sometimes.

I ignore it, focusing everything on Kaworu. I want this to go nicely, and I'm worried the others are getting to them too much. Their hand is jittery a bit as they bring the piece up to their mouth—"like this?"—and place a thumb over the carb. It's done in a way so like them, like demonstrating a procedure for a superior. Even now Kaworu is studious. Let's hope it pays off.

I inch closer to get a better position for lighting the lip. "When the flame hits, just keep inhaling, okay?" Kaworu nods so lightly I almost miss it. Two clicks of the lighter and the bud starts roasting. Red eyes light up as brilliantly as the flame, and I can hear wind trapped inside the glass. A few seconds in I let go of the wheel and remind them of what to do next. They follow suit, but I can tell something's off. Kaworu's shoulders jerk and there's an odd back-throated choke as the air is sucked through the hole. They start coughing, the kind of coughing that demands mouth and nose at full attention. Some of the weed sprinkles on the couch as a result, and Asuka shouts.

"Aho-Shinji, don't let that go to waste!"

I snap back. "You think I don't know that?" It can wait. Kaworu needs tending to first.

I take the piece from their hand and replace it with the can, but they don't drink from it. They're too preoccupied with hacking into their sleeve, small tears building up at the corners of their eyes.

"I'm so—" Cough. "Shinj—" Cough. "I can't sto—" Cough. This is bad.

I remove the can from their grip, placing my other hand inside Kaworu's and lifting them to their feet, leading them to the bathroom. I close the door behind us and urge them to crouch by the toilet, but they stumble over to the sink instead. I've never seen someone cough this hard from their first time. If they weren't planning on leaving before, they're definitely planning on it now.

Their coughing starts to subside into rhythmic heaves and I brush up to their side, rubbing their back as I do, and place the drink on the counter. The heaves unsteadily transition to deep quivering breaths, and I wait a few moments before speaking.

"Are you okay?"

With a final drawn out sigh, Kaworu regains normal breathing and…laughs? "I've dealt with worse, this is nothing. I just wasn't really expecting it to be that harsh." Am I hearing this right? "I'll have that drink now, though." I idly pass the can, giving Kaworu this look as they chug it like they have three heads. Are they putting up a front?

"Kaworu-kun, you know you don't have to keep going, right? If it's too much or everyone's making you nervous you can just—"

"Honestly, it's okay. I'm okay. See? I'm not coughing anymore and—"

"But you probably will when you try again, so, don't worry about—"

"Shinji-kun, I'm not worried. I want to keep trying. Besides, it'd be rude if I left when everyone went through so much just for tonight—"

"Oh jeez, Kaworu-kun, it's not rude at all, really, it—"

There's a knock at the door. Can't wait for Asuka or Mari to chew me out about this.

"Ika— Shinji-kun?" Oh thank god it's Ayanami.

With a firm nod to Kaworu I slide my hand off their shoulder and open the door just enough for my head to peek out.

"What's up?" I'm trying to pretend like nothing's wrong, or at least like nothing just happened. Shit, how long have we been in here?

"Is there anything we can do?"

"It's fine, it's fine." I look back at Kaworu, who doesn't see me. "Actually." I slip out the door and walk Ayanami down the hall a bit more. I hush my voice. "I'm really sorry but, I think it might be better if we do this alone. At least for their first time. I think with everyone else, it's making Kaworu-kun nervous." Do I really believe this, or am I just trying to put my wants into the situation? I don't know if it's the darkness or Ayanami's blank expression, but I can't read her, and it's not helping.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, trying to get something out of her.

She shrugs. "I don't mind. You know me." She curls her lips. Weakly, but it's a smile nonetheless. It feels good to hear that. "It's the other two who might give you trouble. And you know _them_."

"Yeah, that I do," I laugh a bit, not caring anymore about how much they'll tease us for the whole ordeal.

"I'll go tell them, you take care of Nagisa-kun. You can have my speakers for the night, and I'll make sure to leave you two with some extra."

I hug her in thanks, almost on instinct. She hugs back, and for once it's not limp. Neither of us say anything, but that's just the way things go. We part and she gently pushes me in the direction of the bathroom, crossing the living room after mouthing a "good luck."

I open the door to see Kaworu just where I left them: leaning over the sink in front of the wall mirror, now fixing some of their eye makeup that got smeared from coughing tears. What a sight.

"You know you don't have to do that. You look great no matter what."

Kaworu jumps a bit, apparently not noticing I walked back in. "Oh. Well, I'm flattered, but I don't just do this for you, y'know." Kaworu always did have a little bit of a bite. I love that.

I stand there in brief admiration before Asuka's and Mari's clamoring fill the background noise. Some "Awwww"s and "Told ya this would happen"s and something about someone owing money. A door opens and closes with force and Kaworu turns on their heel to look directly at me.

"Shinji-kun," they start with a raised brow, not unlike a suspicious parent to a child, "what happened out there?"

I take my time over to them. "Well, we, er, I, figured you would prefer to do this the two of us, just until you get used to it." I slump myself against their folded arms and look up at their skeptical face. Yup, still pretty.

They sigh, unfolding their arms from under me and slinging them around my shoulders, their chin sliding down on top of my head. "Wasn't the whole point of this night for me to be with everyone?" I tighten my grip around them in response. It was, but I'm not complaining right now, either.

We balance like this for a bit in silence until I feel Kaworu's mouth moving against my hair. "Thank you." Eh? "I've actually always wanted to do this alone with you, but when you invited me I didn't want to sound selfish." Ahh, the truth comes out. "I'm sorry it had to end up this way." I want to protest the apology but Kaworu's already pulled me back by the shoulders, an eager spark in their eyes. "But let's start over."

I have to laugh at how seriously they're taking this whole thing, but mostly I have to appreciate their honesty and determination about it. Here they are in the bathroom after a coughing fit of what should've been a smooth ride into a high, and yet they don't give a damn, they want to keep going regardless. I want a part of that.

"Of course," I reply in full this time, grabbing both can and Kaworu and making way back to the living room. The obscure music Ayanami had chosen is still playing. Everything on the table is the same, albeit with less stuff. The couch is—oh yeah, I gotta clean the couch.

Putting the drink down I work at the cushions, picking each scattered speck one by one and placing it in the bowl. Everything's ready now, and hopefully no distractions means no more mess ups. Kaworu's at the speakers again shuffling through their own music. I hear a contented hum and the song skips to a lo-fi mix of classical and modern sounds. It's interesting to say the least, but still happens to fit the mood.

I grab the lighter and start, taking in a big hit, somehow managing to not cough. I try blowing smoke rings at Kaworu, who's now sitting next to me (when did that happen?), but they just end up as wispy blobs. Kaworu smiles cheekily and playfully swats the smoke away. Oh well, was worth a try.

"Here," I say handing over the stuff like an Olympic torch. "This time, keep your tongue low and try to inhale from the back of your throat, and fast. If you can do that you should have no problems." I hate sounding like a teacher, but, I guess when Kaworu is such a natural-born student the role fits.

Kaworu's hand moves up to their mouth with no signs of shaking. Just like before I move closer as designated fire-starter and repeat the previous motions with ease.

"Inhale."

The air tunnels through glass pipe and windpipe as their chest expands to fullness. Gazing straight ahead at vibrant rubies, I move so close barely an inch is between us.

I'm feeling mischievous.

"Exhale."

The smoke pools from Kaworu's lips like mist over a waterfall. It draws me in like no other natural wonder and I cup the side of their jaw, light powder and peach fuzz brushing my fingertips. Airy tendrils wash over my face as I bridge the space between us, the taste of fruity gloss blending with winding heat. The remaining smoke rushes out of their nose as I fill any gaps between our mouths. Kaworu's free hand slumps onto my thigh with a squeeze, stifled moans following. I hear my name mumbled somewhere in there and I reluctantly pull away. Their gripping hand curls into a half-fist and they motion the bowl towards me in what I can only assume means "your turn."

"Is it spent?" I ask, forgetting that Kaworu probably has no idea what that means. They look so dazed when they ask "What?" with such breathlessness that I can't help but laugh through my nose, a heady sensation crawling throughout my body. "Is there nothing left to smoke?" They don't bother to muster a word, resorting to a quick rise and fall of a whine. They can't even keep up already. Maybe I should slow down. Or maybe—

I fall to the carpet on my knees as slow as ever, or at least it feels slow, and clean out the bowl for repacking. I fill it to the brim this time. I have something in mind.

"Shinji-kun."

I turn my head to Kaworu, who's leaning forward with their hands between their legs. I drop back down on the couch, hands full, never letting them out of my sights. "Hmm?"

They shift forward, their eyes glazed and lips parted. "I feel good."

I beam ear to ear, my face tingling. "Then I'll make you feel better."

The hit is long and hard and my ribcage widens so much it jitters. I put the bowl down on the table, feeling Kaworu's curious eyes on me the whole time.

"What do you m—"

I don't let them finish. I'm already pressed against them and emptying the smoke into their mouth, swirling it around with my tongue. I don't let any breaths release that aren't given to each other. I don't let any syllables become more than a vibrating moan under the eager doings of my tongue, my lips, my hands, all working feverishly at Kaworu's warm body. Their cool lips contrast with the hot smoke filling us, and it's good, it's so good, it's too much and I fight back the urge to come up for air. Not yet. I want this. I need this. This pent up exertion of what was always there, always hiding beneath hesitation and uncertainty, coming undone at the subtlest touch and wordless calling. I open my eyes to be greeted with panes of red glass and I swear I can see a cosmos within them. It's beautiful, they're so goddamn beautiful, how did I end up with such an otherworldly wonder?

Lukewarm air slide over my nose as Kaworu laughs against my lips and pushes into me harder, mere centimeters of fabric the only thing keeping us apart. Their legs are slung awkwardly over mine at this angle and I shift so my back is against the couch to get comfortable. Their hips make less-than-graceful contact with mine and I can already feel the bulge. I can already feel it move with friction against mine, bent legs working with gradual motions to grind into me. The more they grind the more they tremble, the more their breathing wavers, the more I want them. Their desperate voice moves in and out of my ears and all the sensations linger and intensify, and I know, the high's kicking in, it's kicking in real nice as their hands grip at my scalp and their tongue fights with mine and their teeth pull at my bottom lip. I thread my fingers through that silver hair and tug. Everything feels light, and heavy, and warm, and numb. And amazing. I feel an urgent tapping at my shoulder and it yanks me out of my daze.

"Yeah?" I mumble without breaking contact.

"I want to do one more. I like this. I really, really like this." Kaworu's head drops down to the side of my neck, and they giggle into a moan. It sends shockwaves up and down my spine.

"Okay, but that means you have to get off."

"I can't, I'm broken," they laugh, suddenly falling to their side against the couch, whining and rotating their hips as they do. I don't think they even realize what they look like right now. I take in a deep breath and force myself to move to grab the stuff off the table.

"Wait!" Kaworu grabs my arm and it's so quick I jump. "Actually I, I want to try something." Their cheeks are so flushed and their ears are pink at the tips and the look in their eyes is so full of anxious longing my heart flutters into my throat. I slide my hand to my side and give them a silent nod.

"Okay, okay," they say easing into my lap again, eyes intently on me, and they're sliding backwards to the ground, pressing themself against me, dragging nails, their face in between my thighs, I—

"Kaworu-kun?" My heart is pounding. My throat is dry. I'm dizzy, but the good dizzy, the kind where the room spins but you feel so rooted to the ground that you just go along with it.

"I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel."

Their words are slow when their hands start unbuttoning my pants, and they're such uncoordinated fingers. Kaworu's a mess. I'm a mess. Nothing's happened yet and I'm already breathing so hard. _I'm_ so hard. Before I can even think my pants are sliding down to my ankles and Kaworu's soft fingertips brush and dance up my legs to my crotch and I almost bite my tongue. They pull my boxers' waistband down and my cock springs out into their hand and I can't believe this is happening. A squeak escapes their throat at the sight and they're smiling, brows arched in admiration and—it's kind of embarrassing oh god they look so—fuck I can't think, they're giving it a shaky pump, kissing the tip, and I can feel equally shaky breaths. Kaworu has something planned and I have no idea what it is but it already feels good and—and I'm not gonna make it. My face feels so hot everything is hot and I let go, I let go and just fall back into the couch and take in a sharp breath. But they pause, they pause to grab the bowl and lighter from the table and have at it, no coughing, no nothing, just keep inhaling until it's almost all gone before setting it down on the table. What the hell? We make eye contact and they look as confident as ever with those eyes staring right back at me those eyes I want to get lost in those eyes that close and—

Kaworu's mouth is on me, taking me as deep as possible and it feels wet and warm and their front teeth drag on me and it's nothing I was ever expecting nothing I was ever ready for and holy fuck I'm trying not to scream, biting my lip so hard I feel like it's gonna bleed, but I give up holding back and Kaworu's name fills the space between us. There's a rush of wispy hotness washing over the tip and I jerk forward to see smoke spilling out the sides of their mouth and I'm in such awe I don't stop myself from raking my fingers through their hair, I don't stop myself from bobbing their head up and down, I don't stop myself from giving in and near crying out as my whole body tenses and I can feel it rising I can feel—

I can feel Kaworu's warmth leave me and everything stops so fast I have no choice but to let go of their head. I was so close. So. Fucking close why did—

"Ngh, Kaworu-kun, why?" Everything is drawn out. I'm so horny, why—

They wipe their mouth. "I want to ride this out with you."

"Eh?" My head rolls back. Everything is so heavy. My whole body is on edge and I'm coated with pre-cum and spit and all I want is to get off, now. Kaworu angles their shoulders and stands to walk away in steps that start sexy but turn clumsy fast. They're not used to the way your legs turn to noodles when you finally need to use them. Or maybe its because of the hard-on they have that looks like it might bust out any minute. Either way, they practically fall to the hallway walls, holding onto a corner and beckoning me like a drunken cat. Er, well, technically, like a stoned cat, but…

I'm so bottled up frustrated from that little trick that I push up off the couch and kick my pants off in one fell swoop, stumbling for Kaworu just as awful. They're making way for the bedroom, looking me over their shoulder, laughing themself silly and I finally catch them as my legs give out, collapsing onto them at the bed. I'm holding onto them tight, limbs sprawled out tangled with each other, and I'm laughing so hard my stomach starts to hurt, and we're breathing so hard against each other's necks our hips start crashing into each other in response. My shirt's getting tugged until it's already covering my vision and pulling over my head. I'm shivering without being cold, tiny bumps scattering across my skin and Kaworu traces over them lovingly. Our eyes meet for only a moment before our mouths collide again.

"How did you manage to do this to me?" I suck on their tongue and their hands reach for my back.

"I don't know, I'm just, going. Look what you've, done to me." Breathless, panting. I'm so wrapped up in them and we've only just begun.

"And how did you manage to get my clothes off, but not yours?"

There's an eager moan in my ear and they pull away to face me. "Fix it, then."

There's that bite I crave so much.

I breathe in hard and dive for Kaworu's neck, sinking my teeth in, my hands busy taking off their clothes one-by-one. The fabric is so thin and delicate and ornate I'm worried I'll tear it to shreds. One layer comes off, then another, and finally the last until their chest is bare and I want to have at it, I'm so hungry for them.

I don't know if this'll work but I go in anyway, rolling my thumbs over their nipples and teasing around the area with my tongue. Kaworu continues to let out such enticing sounds, trembling under my touch, and it's all I need to know how good they feel. How good they feel, how good I feel, it's all the same and it's all so strong. I draw a line with my tongue down the center of their body, drinking up their sweet scent as fully as the smoke from before, reaching the throbbing raise in their pants (skirt-leggings?) and taking nice firm bites into it. Kaworu howls out but doesn't reject it, and I continue to remove the rest with my teeth, revealing bright, thin, frilly panties snug around their hips. They look new.

When there's nothing left on them—on either of us—but underwear, I press my thumbs into their hipbones and trace that lovely little "V" leading exactly where I need to be, freeing their cock just enough so the underwear stays in place. They just look too good to take off. Kaworu's thrashing about, begging me—"ah, please, not my hips"—but I linger there just to watch them crumble some more.

"It's my turn to be mean." Only Kaworu gives me this confidence. Everything's going to my head, literally, as the high takes over me entirely and I want to take advantage of it fully. I place a hand over Kaworu's erection, forming a bridge of pre-cum from tip to fingers. "Already?" I lick my fingers, getting a little taste of them but fuck it's not enough, I want more.

Kaworu whimpers and gurgles some sort of confirmation and I tease them some more, circling my finger around the base of their penis and it just keeps twitching when I get close to it. I feel like I'm floating so far above myself that I have to slow down just to realize what's really going on here.

"Kaworu-kun, are we really…?" Gonna do this? Gonna make love? Gonna fuck until there's nothing left of us?

"Yes, yes, yes." Their voice raises and asserts with each syllable and it fires me up, I'm ready, I need to do this. I start sliding my boxers off and Kaworu pipes up again. "Check my pockets." I'm too dazed to figure out what this could mean but I dig through the tossed clothes anyway—"no, the, the leggings"—and find a packet of lube.

"You brought..?" I mean, I always had some tucked away somewhere, but, what? And then it hits me: Kaworu wanted this, too, this whole time. Kaworu prepared for this, _anticipated_ this, and here we are, here we fucking are and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. "Then I'll just—" I can't finish the sentence, shit, I'm too caught up in this, but Kaworu seems to understand, nodding their head and biting their lip.

I go back to kneeling at their hips and tear the packet, rubbing the lube on my hand and sliding it over my cock, chills running me up and down. "It's really warm." Kaworu hums as if this is an obvious fact. And then something else hits me: I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Do either of us?

Well I'm jumping in head first regardless.

I pause to swallow, beyond the point of stopping, pouring some more on my hand and sliding the bottom part of Kaworu's panties to the side—I really really _really_ don't want to take them off—and slipping a finger in. Their hips shudder and I put it in as far as it can go. They're responding well enough, so I get another one in, curving both fingers against soft and rigid walls and Kaworu's grinding into it, lube dribbling a bit outside onto their ass and oh god watching them writhe from so little is building me up I can't ignore it any longer.

"Put it in." Kaworu can't seem ignore it either and—was that a command? I'm laughing and groaning to myself about it, so out of yet in character and it's so alluring, they're so tempting and I don't restrain myself. I prop their legs up onto my shoulders and press my fingers into plump thighs, anxiously getting into the position I've only heard about or watched online. I pray this works.

"Ah, tell me, if this hurts," I almost couldn't say it I'm so nervous and excited and losing composure fast.

I grip myself and press the tip against them, pushing so slowly I don't even know if I'm going in. Kaworu's watching and it feels like they're judging my every move and fuck I'm messing up aren't I? I'm fucking the whole thing up and—

There's pressure on my back and it takes me a bit to realize it's Kaworu pushing me down and into them harder with their legs, pushing down on me so suddenly that I don't even get a chance to call out their name before they're shouting mine and I'm inside them, I'm inside them and it's tight and it's warmer than the smoke, than their mouth, than anything else and holy fuck I can't even think. I'm on autopilot rocking into them, so out of rhythm fuck fuck I need to focus, I need to match their hips. My eyes flutter open and close with each thrust and Kaworu's balling up the sheets and biting hard into them to stifle the noise and I pull it from their teeth.

"Don't—hold—back."

They pull me down close to them, my cock trapped in their underwear and their legs curling over my back and their nails digging into my skin and their voice echoing in my ears and I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it, I'm not—fuck. I try to think of something else, something not _this_ to help me last longer. Anything, shit, I try thinking of school, of exams, of performing on stage with my cello, but it doesn't work, Kaworu's in the audience, sitting there as beautiful as ever, eyes locked on me, calling my name. I can't shake them off my mind no matter how hard I try, especially not when we're joined like this in an enraptured mess, even the sting from friction and nails at my back giving me pleasure. Everything is making me feel good, too good, too fucking good and I feel it take over me. My head is fuzzy and everything tenses up and I can't stop I can't stop we're competing for who can shout the other's name louder and Kaworu's touching everywhere and using their legs to move me and I draw out their name one more time before I've reached my limit and cum inside them. A lot. More than I've ever done on my own and it's sliding down their skin and I freeze in place trying to catch my breath, catch my everything as it all comes crashing down on me.

"Shinji-kun?"

Ah, Kaworu. You didn't cum, did you?

"I'm sorry, Kaworu-kun, I, I wasn't, I didn't think it would feel this good." I laugh a bit trying to lighten the situation. I'm limp now and can't help slipping out, and Kaworu slides their legs off me. "Shit. I'm sorry."

They pout a little before sighing and smiling. "Don't worry. I won't let it end there."

"Eh, eh?" I look down at my useless not-hard self. "But—"

"We'll give it a bit. Play in the meantime."

Kaworu's boldness, Kaworu's bite, is what always gets me going, even now when I should be ready to call it a night, I can still feel the heat travel down to my groin. I'm not ready yet, but…I don't think it'll take long. Especially when they start stroking themself and calling me to touch them with a lust in their eyes that demands to be answered. I lean in, ignoring the mess at my lower half, and start "playing" all over Kaworu. My hands travel everywhere again, the clean one finding a home in their mouth, tongue swirling around my fingers and teeth nibbling at my nails. I don't know how long we go at this, but I feel myself standing at attention, aching for something to be done about it.

"Why don't I top this time?" they coo, apparently having noticed my erection. The cat-like smile returns to their makeup smudged face, now glistening with spots of sweat, frizzy hair bouncing off light from the window. The sights and suggestion aren't helping my heart calm down.

"I don't know, I've never really had anything like…you…up there."

"Don't worry, I'll go gentle on you—at first."

Just that alone gets me worked up enough to agree to it.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Well, for starters—" they sit up to continue and I remember how, ah, filled up they are and I put a hand out to stop them.

"Wait, Kaworu-kun, you're still—" They ignore me and push me down by my shoulder.

"—you should lie down and relax." They inch up to me, rubbing our cocks together, and it's too hard and awkward but soon enough my head is dropping and I'm humping into their hand wanting more. This is, a stark contrast to the Kaworu coming undone at the mere touch of my hand, and I have to wonder if it was all an act, or if this is just another part of them only I bring out. I mean, they must be pent up, too, anyone would get aggressive, even Kaworu.

Yeah. The latter. I'll go with the latter.

They reach around the edge of the bed and squeeze more of the packet onto their hand. I reach forward and pull those cute pastels off their hips and they drag the fabric off completely and finally, _finally_, we're both naked and it feels so surreal. They palm my balls and float their fingers over…the hole, and my stomach flips just as hard as when Kaworu first walked in tonight. "I'm going in, okay?" I nod. It's all I can do.

They ease into it, slowly, gently. I'm anticipating pain but it never happens. Exactly the opposite. They push more, informing me of each action. It's a little embarrassing but, definitely better than silence.

"It doesn't hurt."

"Good, I'm glad, I want to do more."

I can't believe how slow and delicate my turn is and I wanna bury my face into the sheets, but the surge of slick warmth and fullness inside me makes me forget, makes me heat up, makes my throat work in overtime just to release pleasure in the only immediate way I know. Kaworu spreads my legs and holds onto them, hips rocking rhythmically with mine, definitely more rhythmic than when I was doing it, how is this possible? My hands are reaching as desperately as my voice and I move from sheets, to wall, to arm, to leg, finally resting in my own hair grabbing as hard as I can to hold onto _something_ with this pounding that's so good I can't even function right. Kaworu's hand forms around mine and pulls my hand away, placing my fingers in their mouth like before and drooling in between the curves.

We go, and go and go and in the middle of it all I hear Kaworu call my name, this time with urgency.

"I'm close."

My mind's racing. Kaworu's about to orgasm, because of me, from being inside me, is this really happening? I grab myself and start jerking it. I wanna share it. It's a stretch, but I can feel it, if I just stay like this for a little bit longer, just a little bit longer it'll happen, please, please let this happen. Kaworu bends over me more, their thrusting intensifying and their fists tight at the sheets next to me, fidgeting from position to position before finding their way to my fingers and lacing together. They squeeze on and off and I can feel them stiffen, and my legs feel tight, and my toes are curling, and my arm is working on its own and pumping faster and Kaworu's head is so close to mine that I lean up into it and moan their name into a kiss and I can't keep up with how they fill me up, hot and thick, pulsating inside me so oh my fuck it's happening and I release into my hand and all over my stomach and everything is too much, too much, too, amazing. Everything is amazing. What the hell was in that weed?

I'm stuck. I'm stuck with my legs in the air and my palm coated in my own cum and Kaworu's is dripping down me onto the bed and they're cupping my face, staring at me with drooped lids and reds still as bright as ever, shaking and gyrating the last of it off and laughing so breathlessly happy and we both must look like a horrible mess but fuck it.

It takes me a while but I finally get the energy (care, really) to talk.

"Lemme, ah, get a towel." I say this, but I honestly can't even move.

Kaworu hums in disagreement, also not having moved. "Stay."

I insist, this time actually lowering my legs and attempting to roll out from under them, doing my best—and failing—to keep it all in my hand. Kaworu falls onto their back against the bed, apparently not caring about what they just fell into.

"Fine, half-time break, then."

* * *

The night goes, and goes, and goes and goes until the music in the background kills out from no battery and the only thing I can hear is Kaworu's exhausted panting—our exhausted panting. We're both fucking tired and weak and dying to sleep just to wake up and do it all over again. Kaworu's draped over me like dead weight, grayed hair slicked to my damp face and legs shaking hard at my sides. They're utterly drained from riding me for the second? time. To be honest I don't think we have anything left in us.

"Shinji-kun."

It takes them a few seconds to say it properly amidst all the breathing and I have to blow tufts of hair out of my mouth to speak. All I can do is mumble their name but it doesn't matter, they're already lifting off my chest and pressing their forehead against mine and fumbling into a sloppy kiss and god it's terrible, there's no more saliva and our lips are chapped, but it's wonderful because it's Kaworu. Soon enough we're parting and they're hunched over staring me down with a solemn look I've never seen before. Their mouth twitches.

"Shinji-kun, I—"

Kaworu doesn't finish, just breaks concentration into a giggle under their jittery breath and slumps into the bed, clinging to me like a life jacket. Everything's hot and sweaty and at any other time I wouldn't dare let someone this close to me but I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

I wrap a leg around them and get even closer, pulling them under my chin and kissing their head.

"You what?"

They make a noise in the back of their throat that I swear I could mistake for a cat's purr if Kaworu isn't right next to me.

"I want to stay like this for a while. A long while. Can we do that?"

I squeeze them, my heavy eyelids finally closing under the pressure. "Of course. Of course we can, Kaworu-kun." You don't even have to ask.

Slender arms and legs tangle themselves around me and…it's so uncomfortable, fuck, whatever, I feel too good.

I feel even better, when—

Kaworu is humming to me and I—

I'm drifting on their song.

I give in completely.

Again.

* * *

The last thing I remember before greeting (cursing) the morning sun are deep rhythmic breaths and sporadic chirping—not from the birds, but from Kaworu, whose figure rises and falls against the bed. They're curled up into me, facing me, holding onto me. Oh, yeah, that's right, we fell asleep something like this last night, didn't we? No wonder my neck and back and everything is killing me (wait, that's probably from something else). But it's worth it, so worth it if Kaworu's at the end of it all.

My eyes are watery and my vision's a bit blurry but I can tell Kaworu's woken up by my stirring. "'Morning Kaworu-kun," I yawn out and they chirp again. I rub my eyes and everything clears up. Kaworu's face is— "Oh my god," I whisper against the pillow. They smile sleepily, blinking slowly.

"Mmm?"

I reach a hand up with a laugh—no, a giggle, who am I kidding—and trace my thumb from smudged mascara, eyeshadow, blush, down to gloss-smeared lips, traces of light glitter at the corners. "Your makeup is a mess." I look down around me. "Shit, so's the bed."

Kaworu perches themself up by the arms and I have such a great view of flexed shoulder blades and arched back. I wouldn't mind waking up to this every day. Their tired eyes blink themselves into alertness and scan the sheets, widening with raised brows as they go from stain to stain. To stain, to stain, to stain, to…

"I guess we should wash these," I say through a sigh, my skin feeling suddenly taut and sticky. "And, uh, ourselves, too, I guess." My cheeks warm up.

Kaworu flops into the pillow on their side—unknowingly leaving even more makeup behind—and stretches before looking back to me with a glint of affection in their eyes. "Is this our first load of laundry together?"

I shove their shoulder. Cheesy romantic. "Yeah, it's our first load together. Wanna write it down in your book?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'll write it into a song for class." They hum through their nose and flip over, arms outstretched as if spreading a banner. "I'll call it, 'Shinji-kun's Dirty Laundry.'"

I shove again but this time hard enough to roll Kaworu over, and they just keep laughing to themself. I do, too.

How could I not?


End file.
